When Vladimir Putin initiated a large-scale military offensive against Ukraine on February 24, 2022, many Russians, including a woman named Varvara, felt compelled to respond. The 32-year-old participated in an anti-war protest in central Moscow, expressing her despair and anger over the conflict. Now, nearly four years later, Varvara finds herself navigating a climate of intense repression, where dissent is met with severe consequences.
In an interview with AFP, Varvara, who requested that her real name be withheld for safety reasons, described her current state as one of survival. She refrains from criticizing the Kremlin or the war, fearing that any form of resistance will be swiftly crushed. “Any resistance from below will be crushed,” Varvara stated, reflecting the resignation many anti-war Russians now experience in a country mobilized to support the war effort.
The crackdown on dissent in Russia has escalated to levels reminiscent of the Soviet era. Thousands have faced imprisonment or fines for merely voicing opposition to the military campaign. Public protests are rare, and prominent opposition figures are either incarcerated, exiled, or deceased. Anti-war groups operating outside Russia struggle with internal conflicts, further complicating their efforts.
Varvara was among the thousands who protested at the onset of the war. She recalled joining rallies that were met with violent repression from the authorities. “I went there without knowing what’s next,” she said. Aware of the risks, she prepared for the possibility of arrest and made arrangements for her cat in case she was detained. Fortunately, she evaded the brutal police crackdown, but her activism came with a cost. After signing a petition against the war, she was dismissed from her job at a public institution.
Many of Varvara’s friends, some briefly detained by police, chose to leave Russia. For her, the uncertainties of emigration felt more daunting than the risks of remaining. “I didn’t feel an immediate physical threat,” she explained. “No one was knocking on my door, I wasn’t jailed or tortured.” Eventually, she secured a position at a charity, realizing that her best course of action was to “do something good here” in Russia.
Personal Transformations Amid War
In the summer of 2022, Varvara met her future husband, which provided a new perspective on her situation. “The only reason to leave would be if one of us was facing arrest,” she noted. Despite her decision to remain silent and committed to staying in Russia, the ongoing war continues to overshadow her life. It took two years before she could enjoy simple moments without guilt.
“I went for a walk with a friend,” she shared. “I realized it was simply a nice day — and I don’t feel guilty about enjoying it.”
Varvara’s role has expanded as she now cares for her husband’s two children from a previous marriage, a responsibility she describes as “a form of escapism.” This new family dynamic has solidified her choice to stay quiet. “If I was alone, I wouldn’t be hiding my name. But now I’m a stepmother, part of a complex family structure, and I feel a sense of responsibility,” she explained.
Her desire to have children of her own has made her cautious about taking risks associated with activism. Despite her silence, the war remains a prominent concern. In her charity work, Varvara grapples with the challenge of determining which organizations to collaborate with, particularly given the numerous links to the military campaign.
“There’s this constant inner struggle: whom can you work with and whom you can’t?” she articulated, highlighting the complexities of navigating her professional environment in light of the conflict.
Additionally, the war has strained her relationship with her father, who serves in Russia’s security forces and has fought in Ukraine. Despite his offers of financial assistance, Varvara finds it impossible to accept. “He’s my father, I love him. But for me, it’s impossible to accept this money,” she stated.
Varvara’s story illustrates the profound personal and societal impacts of the ongoing conflict. As Russia’s repressive environment continues to stifle dissent, individuals like Varvara face difficult choices about their voices, their safety, and their futures amid a war that shows no sign of abating.
