A woman known as “Protecting My Peace” has expressed her concerns about her autistic stepson, who is now 22 years old, joining the family for Thanksgiving dinner. The situation highlights the complexities of familial relationships and the challenges faced by those raising children with autism.
For over a decade, Protecting My Peace was actively involved in her stepson’s life, providing support during his time in school and attending appointments. However, as he grew older, his behavior became increasingly volatile, leading to incidents of property damage and aggression, including threats made against her and online stalking of one of her daughters.
Three years ago, she communicated to her husband that she felt unsafe in her own home and requested that he find alternative living arrangements for his son. Although her husband complied, he has since held onto hope for reconciliation, believing in his son’s potential for change and redemption.
Despite ongoing therapy for the stepson and the couple’s own participation in couples and individual therapy, family therapy involving Protecting My Peace has been unsuccessful. The stepson reportedly declined to include her in these sessions, stating that she is “not his mom.” Consequently, she has maintained minimal contact with him over the past couple of years.
Now, as Thanksgiving approaches, her husband has suggested that his son be included in the holiday gathering with their extended family, which includes young grandchildren. Protecting My Peace has firmly stated that her family will not attend if her stepson is present. She emphasized that her current fear outweighs her compassion, and any future consideration would depend on significant, consistent changes supported by ongoing family therapy.
In her letter to advice columnist Annie Lane, Protecting My Peace expressed her desire to support her husband while also prioritizing the safety and well-being of her own children and grandchildren. Lane responded by affirming her concerns are neither selfish nor unreasonable, given the history of threats and violence.
Lane encouraged her to communicate with her husband about her boundaries, reinforcing that her decision is not a punishment but a necessary measure for maintaining safety. “You showed up for him for years,” Lane noted, emphasizing that recognizing personal limits does not diminish past love and support.
This situation touches on broader themes of family dynamics, mental health, and the complexities of navigating relationships with individuals on the autism spectrum. Protecting My Peace’s experience underscores the significance of establishing boundaries to protect loved ones while also addressing the emotional needs of all family members involved.
For those seeking guidance on similar issues, Annie Lane’s latest anthology, titled “Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness,” offers insights into managing difficult emotional landscapes within families. The book is available for more information at [Creators Publishing](http://www.creatorspublishing.com).
As families prepare for holiday gatherings, Protecting My Peace’s story serves as a reminder that ensuring safety and well-being can sometimes require difficult choices.
